Trauma in a TikTok Society

Have you noticed that our society talks about trauma in ways we never have before? Trauma is everywhere thanks to social media. All you have to do is scroll through TikTok or Instagram for less than 10 seconds to hear someone exploring experiences of childhood abuse, having a frightening parent, or being bullied as a child. Thanks to social media, we also watch trauma happen in real time in communities around the country. Trauma is almost livestreamed every time you open social media. There are just as many opinions on how to heal  trauma as there are experiences of trauma. Social media brings things that have historically felt painful into a space of community in ways we never imagined.
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So, what is trauma? If trauma is everywhere, does that mean nothing is traumatic? Or perhaps, trauma is more common than we want to admit. Trauma is not just about what happened, but how alone and helpless someone felt when the traumatic event(s) occurred. People think of trauma as a one time event, but for many of us, trauma was an environment. It was the water in which we learned to swim. A lot of people walk into my office wondering if what they have experienced is traumatic. Another variation of this thought is the idea that whatever happened to them isn’t as bad as what happened to another person.

The truth is that what is traumatic for one person may not be traumatic for another. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSHA), trauma requires  the “3 E’s,” and occurs when an event (or multiple events, or the environment) is experienced by someone as overwhelming and has lasting negative effects. The event, the experience, and the effects threaten our ability to cope and manage everyday life. The person might experience direct physical or emotional harm, have their life threatened, or experience adverse effects on their emotional, physical, social, or spiritual well-being.  Simply put, the person is left without resources, often feeling alone. From this definition we can clearly see that some situations might be objectively traumatic, while others are more subjective. We also know that what someone experiences as traumatic is influenced and mediated by their culture, location in society, family history, race, and ethnicity.

Feelings of isolation are often a critical factor in mediating trauma. If a child is bullied at school, or abused by a parent, but they are able to go and tell someone who can help them, they are able to find connection, support, and hopefully safety. Whether or not the person is held accountable or continues to cause harm may be another factor, but research often shows that the effects are ameliorated by the child feeling they have someone who can help them, even if it’s just to listen. They are not alone in this experience. 

But let’s be real. How many kids are likely to tell an adult their parent is hurting them?  The parent, or bully, makes threats.  No one will believe you. If you tell, it will be worse for you. Or, I’ll hurt your sibling. The child wants to believe their parent loves them, because the child often still loves the parent. There are a lot of reasons kids, and adults, for that matter, stay silent.  Victims and survivors of trauma often believe they are to blame, whether they have been told directly or inferred this from the circumstances of their situation. They deny what is happening to them is painful. They stuff it away and try to forget about it, or pretend like it doesn’t hurt.

I can hear you saying, Brittany, why does all this matter? It matters, because when we deny our painful experiences, or even our emotions themselves, the denial causes us even more distress. Our denial of the experience causes us just as much pain as the experience itself.

Try this with me. For a minute, imagine a time when someone denied your reality. (Don’t go to your deepest trauma, it might be overwhelming). Someone told you not to worry, or not to be sad. Or that you should let go of that thing you have been hyper-focused on.  Now, imagine telling yourself that it’s okay to be worried. To be sad. Or maybe there is a reason a part of you is so hyper-focused on this thing.  Do you sense yourself taking a breath? Or maybe sense relief in your chest? Do you feel your shoulders relax?  That is the power of validation, and it’s just the first step, but it can be a game changer. You are not crazy or broken for feeling the way you feel, about your trauma or anything else.

We get a lot of people in our office who wonder if what they experience was traumatic, and now we all know the answer is “it depends.” A question I often ask is what might happen if we validated their experience. The person’s reaction to that question often tells us whether or not they feel the event is traumatic. Validation is just the first step in healing from trauma, but it’s a big one, and one that cannot be skipped.  It might be a long first step. Or a tricky one. There might be a lot to un-learn from what our family of origin, culture, and larger society has tried to teach us. But I promise you, it’s worth it. Because once you know something, you can’t deny it. We cannot begin to heal what we cannot acknowledge.

A Friendly Reminder (Disclaimer): This blog is designed to provide helpful information and insights about mental health topics. However, it's important to know that this content is for educational purposes only and cannot replace the personalized care and guidance of a licensed mental health professional. Every person's journey is unique, and what works for one individual may not be right for another. Please reach out to one of our therapists, or another a qualified therapist or counselor who can provide support tailored specifically to you and your ​

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