<![CDATA[BRITTANY VERA, LCSW - Blog]]>Thu, 02 Apr 2026 00:06:21 -0700EditMySite<![CDATA[Trauma in a TikTok Society]]>Thu, 29 Jan 2026 13:44:13 GMThttps://www.harmonypsychotherapyllc.com/blog1/trauma-in-a-tiktok-societyPicture
Have you noticed that our society talks about trauma in ways we never have before? Trauma is everywhere thanks to social media. All you have to do is scroll through TikTok or Instagram for less than 10 seconds to hear someone exploring experiences of childhood abuse, having a frightening parent, or being bullied as a child. Thanks to social media, we also watch trauma happen in real time in communities around the country. Trauma is almost livestreamed every time you open social media. There are just as many opinions on how to heal  trauma as there are experiences of trauma. Social media brings things that have historically felt painful into a space of community in ways we never imagined.
​
So, what is trauma? If trauma is everywhere, does that mean nothing is traumatic? Or perhaps, trauma is more common than we want to admit. Trauma is not just about what happened, but how alone and helpless someone felt when the traumatic event(s) occurred. People think of trauma as a one time event, but for many of us, trauma was an environment. It was the water in which we learned to swim. A lot of people walk into my office wondering if what they have experienced is traumatic. Another variation of this thought is the idea that whatever happened to them isn’t as bad as what happened to another person.

The truth is that what is traumatic for one person may not be traumatic for another. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSHA), trauma requires  the “3 E’s,” and occurs when an event (or multiple events, or the environment) is experienced by someone as overwhelming and has lasting negative effects. The event, the experience, and the effects threaten our ability to cope and manage everyday life. The person might experience direct physical or emotional harm, have their life threatened, or experience adverse effects on their emotional, physical, social, or spiritual well-being.  Simply put, the person is left without resources, often feeling alone. From this definition we can clearly see that some situations might be objectively traumatic, while others are more subjective. We also know that what someone experiences as traumatic is influenced and mediated by their culture, location in society, family history, race, and ethnicity.

Feelings of isolation are often a critical factor in mediating trauma. If a child is bullied at school, or abused by a parent, but they are able to go and tell someone who can help them, they are able to find connection, support, and hopefully safety. Whether or not the person is held accountable or continues to cause harm may be another factor, but research often shows that the effects are ameliorated by the child feeling they have someone who can help them, even if it’s just to listen. They are not alone in this experience. 

But let’s be real. How many kids are likely to tell an adult their parent is hurting them?  The parent, or bully, makes threats.  No one will believe you. If you tell, it will be worse for you. Or, I’ll hurt your sibling. The child wants to believe their parent loves them, because the child often still loves the parent. There are a lot of reasons kids, and adults, for that matter, stay silent.  Victims and survivors of trauma often believe they are to blame, whether they have been told directly or inferred this from the circumstances of their situation. They deny what is happening to them is painful. They stuff it away and try to forget about it, or pretend like it doesn’t hurt.

I can hear you saying, Brittany, why does all this matter? It matters, because when we deny our painful experiences, or even our emotions themselves, the denial causes us even more distress. Our denial of the experience causes us just as much pain as the experience itself.

Try this with me. For a minute, imagine a time when someone denied your reality. (Don’t go to your deepest trauma, it might be overwhelming). Someone told you not to worry, or not to be sad. Or that you should let go of that thing you have been hyper-focused on.  Now, imagine telling yourself that it’s okay to be worried. To be sad. Or maybe there is a reason a part of you is so hyper-focused on this thing.  Do you sense yourself taking a breath? Or maybe sense relief in your chest? Do you feel your shoulders relax?  That is the power of validation, and it’s just the first step, but it can be a game changer. You are not crazy or broken for feeling the way you feel, about your trauma or anything else.

We get a lot of people in our office who wonder if what they experience was traumatic, and now we all know the answer is “it depends.” A question I often ask is what might happen if we validated their experience. The person’s reaction to that question often tells us whether or not they feel the event is traumatic. Validation is just the first step in healing from trauma, but it’s a big one, and one that cannot be skipped.  It might be a long first step. Or a tricky one. There might be a lot to un-learn from what our family of origin, culture, and larger society has tried to teach us. But I promise you, it’s worth it. Because once you know something, you can’t deny it. We cannot begin to heal what we cannot acknowledge.

A Friendly Reminder (Disclaimer): This blog is designed to provide helpful information and insights about mental health topics. However, it's important to know that this content is for educational purposes only and cannot replace the personalized care and guidance of a licensed mental health professional. Every person's journey is unique, and what works for one individual may not be right for another. Please reach out to one of our therapists, or another a qualified therapist or counselor who can provide support tailored specifically to you and your ​
]]><![CDATA[Becoming a therapist]]>Wed, 30 Apr 2025 12:52:42 GMThttps://www.harmonypsychotherapyllc.com/blog1/becoming-a-therapistPicture
Have you ever wondered why someone becomes a therapist? Most will tell you they wanted to help people in some way, and while that’s true for many, my reasons for becoming a therapist feels like  a departure from the norm. Confession time: I used to hate therapists. I hated therapy when I was younger.  Hated. It. With a passion. I went through more therapists than I could count. I didn’t like a single one. 
By the time I was a teenager, I was burned out from therapists who were well intended, but not very good at engaging me. I was 15 and trying to find an outlet for my emotions, and I (very) begrudgingly gave therapy one more try.  About seven sessions in, something clicked, and I stayed in therapy for years to come. And thank goodness, because it was a life saver. Everything I thought I hated about therapy no longer applied, thanks to one wonderful therapist’s endless compassion, patience, persistence. Flash forward twenty years and I found myself finally admitting to myself that I wanted to help people the way my therapist helped me. I spent a long time trying to deny this was what I wanted to do given my early history hating therapy. But I took the plunge and quickly realized I found my passion in life.

It was not until I was in graduate school that I realized why I hated therapy as a child. The therapy I hated was focused on worksheets, homework, and rigid interventions. The therapy that saved me focused on the relationship between me and my therapist. It was this type of therapy that gave me a future I never anticipated. I never thought I would become a social worker, much less a therapist. But I realized I wanted to help people avoid what I had experienced as a child.  

I often tell clients I am here to pull back the curtain on therapy.  Therapy often seems shrouded in mystery. You go tell a therapist your problems for 50 minutes a week and *poof* life is solved?  Absolutely not. Therapy is ultimately about realizing how to be in a relationship with someone who is safe. That is easier said than done for most clients. The therapeutic relationship is a place to learn how to set and respect boundaries. It’s a place to learn to communicate how you feel when a therapist might unintentionally hurt your feelings. It’s a place to feel safe enough to make relational mistakes. It’s safe to get mad at your therapist, it’s safe to see your therapist as an ally, and it’s even safe to be frustrated or annoyed by your therapist. 

Therapists are trained to carefully manage their own baggage in therapeutic relationships, and so the messy, sometimes painful, ways of being in a relationship can be safely unpacked and examined in the context of therapy. You can explore why you are the way you are in your friendships, intimate relationships, with your kids, and even with your family of origin. When a person learns new ways of being in a relationship in the context of therapy, they can then take it into their everyday relationships and set boundaries, practice assertive communication, and perhaps even let go of relationship patterns that do more harm than good.
​
Perhaps you’ve had a string of bad experiences in therapy, or maybe you’ve thought that therapy just isn’t for you. I would invite you to challenge yourself and consider there is still hope for healing. You never know when you might find the therapist that changes your perspective, as one did mine. Therapists are not magical and they are not perfect, and they are definitely not all bad. We are just ordinary people, willing to sit with other humans wherever they are in life and walk alongside them, full of compassion, and without judgement. We’re here to get messy, we are here to celebrate the highs and help you keep moving through the lowest lows. The change, growth, and healing is in the relationship, and that is what matters most.

If you’re ready to try therapy for the first time, or to begin again, feel free to contact Brittany, for an initial consultation by sending her an email her or click link below
Contact
]]>